Listening to a sermon this morning indicating in a nutshell that it’s never too late to start over. To command things to move because you said so.
Where I’m coming from these past few months mentally, the above would have been enough to make me retreat back into my shell and decide that nope. Not today. Today won’t be “THE” day where I’ll be coming out of hibernation. Because… just cus I can’t. Cus the negative sauce is too… too.. familiar. And to leave that sauce and venture out into the wide world is way too .. well difficult! Don’t you get it?
MOVE!
Many tantrums later. Many listless mornings later. Many sad sad SAD days later. Can’t count how many broke days later, finally the sun started shining again. Bright too!
But what exactly prompted both me writing this message as well as the breakthrough I went through last week?
Well this is both a praise report, as well as a reminder to myself that yes, the valleys are real and yes, the drama is in my head and yes, it’s understandable. Because whilst in the pit I kid you not, I couldn’t find anyone who understood what this felt like. It took ONE person to say: “OH! I now understand why you are feeling this way” to break through the fog. Just one. And the person really understood it while standing at the other side of the river. I was also asked a couple of crucial questions which made the fog lift too. “Why are you so rigid?” and “Why would you do something if it’s not fun?”
Well that was IT for me. It was like a door in my brain opened up. I was able to think again. I was able to see for the first time that there IS hope.
Did you notice that I didn’t say anything about God yet in this post? But ALL of this is because of Him. I now know things about myself that I would not have known should this valley would not have been there. Granted, the length of time spent here.. MAN! But had God not kept me there, the amount of gratitude I now have, I don’t know if it would’ve been on the same level. I am grateful. Grateful to know that even back then He was present. That even when I’ve been complaining He was still there. Thinking about me, kissing my bruised knees, hushing my anxieties, holding my hand, and keeping me to not mess up even more. Because had I been on myself, I am SURE I would have messed up myself big time. And who knows who else I would have dragged down with me!
So I am grateful that He kept me from myself. And FOR Himself.
More on what exactly transpired in another post. This post is to command the morning that just started for me. And what a morning it is!
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